Bush Declares God to be the "Ultimate Terrorist"

New Orleans - After the destruction wreaked by Hurricane Katrina, Bush declared all operating religious institutions to be Terrorist-Supporting Organizations. By Presidential Decree, all churches, cathedrals, mosques, and synagogues have been ordered closed as of 12:00PM today.

Quoting from the US PATRIOT Act of 2001, Bush stated "Anyone who gives support to, or participates in, these organizations will be found, and they will be prosecuted. After the effects of Katrina, we now know that God is the Ultimate Terrorist, and needs to dealt with as quickly as humanly possible." Bush's decree stands in direct opposition to his years of steadfast support for religious entities in the United States.

Many have speculated as to why this sudden about-face occurred now; from "years of cocaine abuse" says Al Franken, to "a sudden re-adjustment to reality" states Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Regardless, an unparalleled unison of outrage has poured forth from religious leaders in the US and around the world.

This vocal criticism lost many of its top leaders when they congregated at the Grand Hyatt hotel in Washington, as a tactical SWAT deployment arrested them just as they were plotting their next terrorist action. Luckily for the other people in the hotel, the religious extremists were subdued quickly and taken to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba for interrogation.