Guantanamo Bay, Cuba - The Bush Administration ordered the release of the remaining 520 prisoners held in the Cuba-based detention camp today. Having been persistently harangued by rights groups such as the ACLU and Amnesty International, the Administration denied that human rights considerations were any part of the decision process.

Instead, President Bush indicated that the impetus came from information gleaned from the recent London bombings. The fact that the bombings had occurred at all presented a dilemma to the Administration. "I'll admit when I'm wrong," Bush stated, "and here's a good example. All along we thought we had the terrorists all locked up at Guantanamo, and then the real terrorists went and bombed London. Now how could the guys in Guantanamo have been in London? Answer me that!"

Subsequent to the release of the detainees, each detainee was presented with an official apology and a commercial airline ticket back to their homelands. Ironically, each of the flights the ex-detainees were on were hijacked on their journeys back home.