PARIS -- In a surprise move, the Lemming Federation stormed the eastern border
of France from their stronghold in Lemmingbourg. Apparently, late last night,
talks between the hitherto friendly nations broke down over the path of the
Lemming Flight of Death.
Historically, Lemmingbourg has been a landlocked country, and has depended upon France to provide a clear path to the sea for the mass exodus of Lemmings every spring. But recently, sentiment in France has changed. French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac has expressed the desire to change the course of the Lemming Flight of Death from its current path through the town of Amiens.
"Alzo we luv our fourry freends zo, zees spreengteem terrour ees bad. Zey come, an zey go, an zey leeve leetle lemming poo all ouver zees place." says French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac.
The Lemming Federation believes that the path through Amiens is theirs by tradition. Speaking on behalf of the Lemming Federation was Lawrence Welk ( widely believed to be a Lemming sympathizer).
"Since time immemorial, every lemming has had the freedom to run the course of their forefathers, straight through Amiens and into the Atlantic Ocean, to be swept north by the northerly currents to become the lemming popsicles of Norwegian fame, eagerly gathered by children every springtime. To interrupt this freedom is to shake the foundations upon which modern Europe was built. Were it not for early trade in lemming popsicles, there would have been no Hanseatic League, no need for cities to trade amongst themselves."
After talks between the two nations broke down last night, the Lemming Federation mobilized and attacked France. The lemmings circumvented France's only defense, the Maginot Line, by transiting through Belgium and down into Amiens, which they razed and to spite France, left lemming poo everywhere. From Amiens, they quickly covered the distance to Paris in a series of attacks the Lemming High Command is calling the "BlitzLemming" style of warfare, whereby advance lemming troops are fired by cannon deep into enemy territory, destroying lines of communication and leaving lemming poo everywhere.
After the surprise attack's success, the US launched a counter-offensive, code-named "White North", and mobilized the 7th Infantry. But amidst recent developments, President Clinton ordered a halt to the counter-offensive when it came to light that Laetitia Casta was safe in her London apartment.
Currently, France is in dire straits, and apparently, no one is willing to come to their aid. Such is the power of the Lemming Federation.